Celebration of the Life of
Pamela Hopkins
6th December 1940 – 8th March 2022
Vinters Park Crematorium
5th April 2022 – 10.15am

Entry Music:  One Moment In Time – Acker Bilk
Words of Welcome by Deborah Glass - Celebrant

Good morning and welcome to you all on this special day. 

Welcome to all those joining us via live webcasting especially Pam’s beloved brother Derek and family in Australia. 

My name is Deborah Glass and it’s my privilege to be part of this ceremony through which I will hopefully provide some comfort to those of you affected by Pam’s passing.  I would at this point like to take this opportunity to extend my sincere condolences to Alan, Verrinia, Delia, Belinda, Jilly and all those who held Pam close to their hearts.

Pam lived a fulfilled life, and I am sure it would be her wish that she is remembered with fondness and affection, so as we look back don’t be afraid to smile at some of the personal memories that may run through your mind.

The family have created a wonderful eulogy which I have the honour of sharing…
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Eulogy – Remembering Pam – Deborah Glass

Pam was born on 6 December 1940 in the School House, Bagber, Sturminster Newton after Pam’s expectant mother, Edith, and her older siblings were evacuated there during the second world war. 

Living at the schoolhouse was hard, it was cold and damp, with no running water and Pam’s mother cooked on open range. Her father, Albert, remained in London and was a private in the Royal Army Ordnance Corps.  He didn’t get to meet Pam until she was several years old.  The family were later relocated from Dorset to Blackburn to see out the end of the war.

When they returned to London they lived in Beaconsfield Road until the house in Blacklands Road was rebuilt. Pam was one of 9 children, 2 boys and seven girls.  she shared a bedroom with six of her sisters and said it was lucky they didn’t have many clothes or possessions as they would have never fitted them in!  She had a very happy and loving childhood; she was very close to her brother Derek and her eldest sister Peggy.  Pam also help look after her three youngest sisters for her Mum.  She attended Catford School for girls where she made lifelong friends in Gina and Pauline.

Pamey was a big fan of motorbikes, regularly rode pillion, went to motorcycle meetings at Brands Hatch and attended the TT races on the Isle of Man.  Her other passion was jazz music, and it was the love of jazz that led to her meeting Alan, her soul mate and husband of 60 years.  She regularly attended a jazz/skiffle/rock club in Chislehurst Caves in Kent, as did Alan and on 12 August 1959 they met for the very first time in the caves.  They were both smitten, she thought he was handsome even though he was wearing a black felt hat sporting a long pheasant feather.  They started courting two weeks later.  By the end of the September Alan asked Pamey to marry him, well he said, “how about it?” she replied, “How about what?”, “getting married” to which her reply was “oh yes”.  They didn’t officially get engaged until Alan’s 21st Birthday, Alan having saved more than 10 weeks Army wages to buy a ring. 

Tragically, Pam was in a serious accident in September 1960. She was riding pillion on the back of ‘African’ Harry’s motorbike when it was in collision with a car. Pam suffered a serious injury to her leg and damage to her spine.  She was, however, fortunate to have been close to Stanmore Hospital, and it was there that Mr Dawson, an experienced and senior orthopaedic surgeon, operated and saved Pam’s leg.  She remained in hospital for months.  This was the start of years of ongoing treatment and operations.  Alan was stationed in Germany and when he got to hear, sadly he wasn’t granted compassionate leave and he considered ‘popping home’ (AWOL) but decided against it.

Alan was posted to Kenya in 1961, not returning until January 1962.  They married at St Johns the Baptist in Lewisham on 3 March 1962. Later that year Alan joined the London Fire Brigade. Following their marriage they lived with Alan’s mother for a year, whilst they saved for their first house.  During this time their first child, Verrinia was born.  A month later, in April 1963 they bought and moved to their first house, a bungalow in Istead Rise.  Here Pam had two further children, her daughters Delia and Belinda.  

Although Pam had to undergo numerous treatments and operations, she never let her injuries or pain interfere with her life.  Pam was such a great cook, who could rustle up delicious food for numerous hungry mouths, who also made her home fun and so welcoming it was a magnet for the girls’ friends as well as neighbours’ children.

After the move to Maidstone, Northumberland Road became the fun or mad house, there were regular water fights involving Alan, the Hopkins girls and neighbouring children, which sometimes got out of hand, ending up one time with Pam, who was ironing in the kitchen, getting soaked by two full buckets of water and was left holding a hissing iron.   This house, with its purple front door, purple garage door and purple shutters (made by Alan) on every window was nick-named the ‘Purple House’ by the girls’ school friends, a name it kept for years.

The home was filled with a small menagerie of rabbits, chickens, fish, amphibians, insects, and the occasional rehabilitating wild baby bird.

Pam’s favourite time was the school holidays. She took the children on adventures by train and bus to visit museums, galleries, historic buildings and castles, parks, beaches and zoos both in Kent and in London.  She would work in the strawberry fields, sometimes with the girls in tow and save vouchers from the cereal boxes for train fares so that up to four children would travel free with one adult, so they would usually be joined by some other waif and stray.  And when the grandchildren, Charlotte, Lewis, Oliver, Alice, Tim and Harry, arrived she would take them on the train or bundle them into her 7-seater car and take them on similar adventures and days out.
The family spent a lot of time at Pam’s parent’s beach hut in Whitstable, a tradition that continued with the grandchildren after Alan bought and rebuilt a beach hut for Pam near to where her parent’s one had been.  Pam taught them all how to catch small fish and crabs and how to release them unharmed again afterwards.

Pam loved being Snowy Owl for Shepway Brownies, with Ida (brown owl) and Irene (tawny owl). One of her favourite things was organising the nativity play, she would spend hours at her typewriter bashing out scripts, she would make costumes and Alan would help with scenery. She also ran regular Brownie discos.

Pam and Alan took numerous holidays in the UK and Europe, on their own, or with their lifelong friends Gina and Ernie, Pauline and Brian as well as with family. They travelled several times to visit Derek and his family in Australia, each one a holiday of a lifetime for Pam.  They explored Tasmania in a campervan with Derek and his wife Val, I understand that was Pam’s favourite holiday. 
Pam’s beloved sister Peggy suffered a catastrophic stroke in the late 90s. Pam devoted a lot of her time to Peggy and eventually, after Peggy was widowed, Pam arranged for her to be moved to a nursing home in Maidstone to be closer to her.  Derek purchased an adapted car for Peggy, so Alan and Pam could take her out and about.  Pam was devoted to Peggy and utterly heartbroken when she died.

For over 25 years Pam ran her own business from home, “Pam’s Fancy Dress” which occupied the entire loft room and two of the bedrooms.  It was very hard work, but Pam absolutely loved it, she loved the interaction with people and would have completely riotous times with groups of youngsters trying on costume after costume in hysterics and teasing each other. She gave up the business when Alan retired but kept many of the costumes for years afterwards. Meaning there were always fancy-dress costumes available for the family, and also for her and Alan to use at their fancy dress themed dances and party nights, they both loved dressing up, especially Pam.

Pam loved coordinating large family events, her organisational skills were amazing, she did everything from hall hire, booking discos, musicians or magicians, and the catering was incredible, especially the cakes and puddings.  Her favourite thing was arranging surprise parties and she managed to ‘surprise’ Alan numerous times.

The family grew when as Alan says, “a little cuckoo arrived in the nest”. This was Jilly, who Pam and Alan adopted as their daughter.
Christmases were big family events centred at their home, usually chaos, except in the kitchen where Pam always managed to get everything on time and served to the table piping hot, except the swede, which always seemed to get left in the microwave, usually to be discovered later that day or the next, and became a family joke.

They celebrated their 50th anniversary by taking a cruise, something Pam had always wanted to do.  As surprise anniversary presents the girls organised a private tour of Chislehurst Caves with family and friends, where Pam and Alan first met, followed by a meal, as well as a short holiday in Penzance, where they had spent their honeymoon, travelling on a sleeper train, something else Pam had always wanted to do.

Pam loved to swim, it helped her to keep fit despite her injuries and she made numerous friends over the years.  Together they attended several dancing clubs learning ballroom and sequence dancing, again making friends along the way. Eventually they took over the running of the Weavering Sequence Dance Club, and Pam would spend hours listening to music, choosing dances and tracks and writing programmes for the dances.  She loved doing this and continued to do so even after an injury to her shoulder unfortunately stopped her being able to dance.  Sadly lockdown meant that the club paused it’s activities and then Pam just wasn’t well enough to attend again.
In December 2020 Pam and Alan moved from their home of 50 years to a bungalow in Barming.  Alan, with the help of daughters and partners, spent four months completely gutting and refurbishing the bungalow to make it a dream home for Pam.  Although she only lived there for 15 months she loved it, she was so proud of all of Alan’s hard work and would tell everyone what he had done.  She talked about her bungalow in the hospice and Verrinia asked if she had been happy there, she said “I have always been happy there”, testament to all their hard work, especially Alan’s, making a lovely home for her.
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Tributes from Verrinia, Delia

Verrinia

Mum was an amazing woman who never let the persistent pain she lived with slow her down, make her miserable or stop her from living her life to the full.  Looking through the photos with dad over the last few weeks has reminded me of all the adventures she took us on and all the places that we visited as children. It was from these excursions that my love of museums and galleries, ancient buildings, castles, beaches, forests, and wildlife grew. It is because of her that my desire to travel to see as much of the world as possible, especially heritage and wildlife, was born.
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Delia
My mum was one of life’s best gifts, to treasure all life through,
She was caring and loving, thoughtful and true.
She was a special part of my life; on whose love I could depend.
My mum always had my best interests at heart to the very end.
She was someone so dear and so good, she will always have a place in my heart,
She was truly wonderful and wherever I go, and whatever I do, her love will see me through,
My mum was truly invaluable, and unforgettable.
I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but her and that’s why I’m so grateful, she was my mum.
Love “Grotty”
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Our next piece of music is special to Pam as she chose it for her Mum and her sister’s funerals
Music – Jerusalem – Katherine Jenkins
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More About Pam

Belinda
Mum always enjoyed life, she loved being surrounded by her children and then the grandchildren. She would set off on the train to London or Margate with us and extra kids for the day. And when the grandchildren came along, she loaded them up and went on wonderful adventures. I am the mum I am because of her, I am the woman I am because of her. And I am now the grandma I am because of her. So, thank you mum for being you and all the love you had to give.
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Jilly
I have been welcomed into the family by mummy and daddy. She always called me her fourth daughter, which for me was very touching. Mummy was a remarkable lady kind, generous and happy always there.

I have spent many days with her in the kitchen where she seemed her happiest baking and cooking dinners, she loved it because I tidied up after her. When VJ and Steve went off travelling I used to go round every Sunday for dinner and if they couldn’t do the Sunday, it would be Saturday.

She has been a big part of my life and I’m going to miss her so much all I can is thank you for caring and loving me and accepting me into your beautiful family.
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My Sister – Video from Derek in Australia
It’s appropriate now to pause for a moment or two and reflect upon your own memories of Pam whilst we listen to a piece that is special for the family, reminding them of visits  to London during the school holidays, including trips to St Pauls, the choir of St Paul’s Cathedral singing Psalm, 23, during which please take a look at the screens and enjoy some treasured moments with Pam.
Time For Reflection – Music – Psalm 23 (Hylton Stewart)– St Paul’s Cathedral Choir 1988 (John Scott)
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Words from Alan – Read by Deborah Glass

A month after meeting my Pamey I had decided that she was the one, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, how right that decision turned out to be.  Now me, our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will miss out on a lot of love that she would have given us, but we treasure the unconditional love that she gave us all and the wonderful memories we all have of her.
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Poem – She is Gone – Read by Brian

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
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Committal – Our Farewell to Pam

It is now the part in our ceremony where we make our formal goodbyes to Pam.  Life has its beginning and its end.  As we say farewell to this wonderful lady who touched your lives in her own unique way with love and kindness, I ask that you remember Pam just as you knew her and dedicate the next few moments to every single memory associated with her.  As with the grief of losing her you have the joy of having known her.  We say goodbye with sadness but let our grief be uplifted by those treasured memories which we have forever to comfort us.  We come to the final moments in the physical presence of Pam with respect, honour, affection, regard and love.  We commit her to our memories.  Her love and friendship we commit to our hearts.  Her body we commit to its natural end and her soul to be reunited once more with her mum and dad as well as her beloved Sister Peggy.

A life well lived is a precious gift

Of hope and strength and grace,

From someone who has made our world

A brighter, better place

It’s filled with moments, sweet and sad

With smiles and sometimes tears,

With friendships formed and good times shared

And laughter through the years.

A life well lived is a legacy

Of joy and pride and pleasure,

A living, lasting memory

Our grateful hearts we’ll treasure

With love we leave Pam in peace and with true respect we bid her farewell, let her remain forever in your hearts and minds.
Farewell Pam, rest peacefully….
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Closing Words
As we draw towards the close of our ceremony today for Pam, the family would like to thank you for being here, for your kind words and your support, it means a lot, thank you to Derek and all those who have joined us from their homes via live webcasting.
The family invite you to join them for light refreshments directly after the ceremony at The Fields in Aylesford, the details are on your order of service.

As a polite message, if you feel you would like to make a donation in memory of Pam to the Heart of Kent Hospice, that would be truly appreciated, thank you.  There is a donation box in the flower cloisters outside or details can be found on your order of service, including Richard’s Brighton Marathon run in memory of Pam. This is where Pam spent the last week of her life.  The family would like to express their deepest thanks for the wonderful and kind care given to Pam in her final days.  It was Alan and Pam’s Diamond Wedding Anniversary on 3rd March and the Hospice provided a fabulous cream tea in celebration, it meant so much to both of them.   
Pam loved her flowers and once had a spectacular, immaculate and well-tended garden bursting with flowers and so, may I ask that when you depart the chapel you take a flower and place it to rest around Pam’s coffin and not on top, thank you.

Before we leave the chapel to our final piece, Stranger on the Shore, may I leave you with this…

You can no longer see me, but please know that I am there 

I am the flowers in the garden, I am the wind beneath your hair

No longer do I suffer, no longer do I feel pain 

I'm at peace watching you, until we meet again

I have always loved my flowers, with nature I was one 

My flowers are all around me, as my time on Earth is done

I am planting my garden, my shrubs and greenery too

For I want my garden to be perfect

On the day I call for you

Closing Music – Stranger on the Shore – Acker Bilk